Crack
by Sun Made Of Apathy
Summary: A series of random stories made purely from boredom. Mary-sues, OOCness and brain melting fun. Rated T for language.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for Yuki, Jashin toast, and this fanfiction. All things I'm sure you probably don't want. Except maybe Jashin toast…

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Kakuzu slouched down into his chair, and opened his book, ready to relax. He had finished counting (and re-counting, and re-re-counting) all of his money and there were no missions to fulfill. Life. Was. Perfect.

"KAKUZU! LOOK AT MY TOAST!" Shit. The stitched man sighed as his partner burst through his door.

"Jashin-sama's face is in it!" Hidan held the piece of bread up for Kakuzu to look at. He didn't see a damn thing.

"Very nice, Hidan." He began to shove the zealot out the door, but Hidan shoved back, still babbling like a Twilight fan girl.

"…I fucking told you so. It's a sign, I know it! He's gonna come to me in my dreams! And tell me the secrets of the world and how I'm supposed to spread his teachings and…"

Kakuzu sighed once again. He wanted him out, and he wanted him out _now._

"Why don't you go show…" He racked his brain for someone who would keep Hidan busy. Who in the world would listen… Aha! "Tobi! Because, he, um, told me yesterday that he thought your religion was cool… and stuff." Hidan grinned like a maniac. Despite the complete decay of his normal vocabulary, the religious maniac still believed Kakuzu. Hidan ran out of Kakuzu's room, screaming for Tobi. Kakuzu shut the door and sat back down. Finally, he could find out what happens to-

"KUZU-CHAN!" Really? There was no god. The poor man's eye twitched as he heard the high pitched squeal of the Akatsuki's newest addition, Yuki Feathertail Uchiha Dumbledore Pryncess Snowblossom IV. She used her super awesomeful kick of rainbow-ey doom to know Kakuzu's door down. That was going to cost a lot to repair, he noted.

"My face is melting!" And indeed it was. Her perfect, glowing, magnificent ivory skin was falling in gobs onto the carpet. Melted flesh was a bitch to get out of the carpet.

The young goddess looked hopefully at Kakuzu, her radiant sapphire eyes glistening with tears, falling like diamonds onto her long, flowing magenta hair.

"Help me!!!!1111!1!!1!!!" Her delicate voice was filled with fear as blue orbs stared into green ones. She shook her head, and her silky golden hair waved in some mysteriously appearing wind.

"I don't know what happened! I was working on a super complicated jutsu to extract the bijuu from my body without killing myself, and it just started MELTING!" She cried. She ran her fingers through her gorgeous blue hair.

Kakuzu stared at her blankly. He knew what he had to do, but he didn't like it.

"Oh Yuki! Im so sorry my love!!!!!" He through him self at her feet.

"I cursed you because I am secretly a wizard, and can do that kind of stuff! I couldnt beer the thaugt of yhou being with another man, because i no that everybody else her e loves you tooooo! Ebven that sluty hore Konan!" His brain was screaming at him to stop. He could literally feel his IQ points dropping. The melting girl gripped his hands and undid the bun that held her short silver hair up.

" I forgive you Kukazu-kun! Because i love you the mooost!" He was going to puke if he didn't finish this quickly. With one deep breath, he screamed to the fiery haired girl "I luv u most 2 Yuiki! Dunt evar leve meeeeeeee!" And with that, the Mary-sue overload of Yuki Feathertail Uchiha Dumbledore Pryncess Snowblossom IV caused caused her to disappear. Completely.

Kakuzu got off the floor and fell back into his chair. If anybody else burst through his door, or what was left of it, he would kill them. Not attempt to kill them, no, he would succeed. And he would kill.

He opened his book back up and… Sprang straight up into a sitting position from his bed. It was all just a bad dream. Okay, rephrase: It was all just one of the single most terrifying nightmares he had ever experienced in his entire life. But now it was over.

"KAKUZU! LOOK AT MY TOAST!" Fuck.

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Review, my lovelies! And then go study or something, because I'm sure I just killed a fair amount of braincells.

EDIT: I'm taking requests, because I lack inspiration. Seriously.


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